Monday, November 15, 2010


Well, I'm now onto week 2 of my diet, 'cause I'm sick and tired of being fat. However, I have another ulterior motive to dieting, aside from the obvious "losing weight": I want to prove to myself that I have willpower. The willpower to do not what is easy, but what is right.

I say this because I want to go back to school again, maybe with a change in major, but I'm incredibly wary because I'm already $20k in debt and barely keeping my head above the proverbial water to pay for my lack of willpower.

What happened?

I was a smart kid all through school, and it made me lazy. I never studied but still got A's, wrote papers at the last minute, that kind of thing. I also just suffered my way through my depression and anxiety issues on my own.

But the stress of moving to a college dorm for the first time in my life simply magnified those issues. I was in a strange place with no friends or family, and having to get used to having to find my way around without a car. Going grocery shopping may not seem like a big deal...until you have to spend most of your day to do it. It was an hour, one-way, to go to Wal-Mart. Way different from "30 minutes if you hit every traffic light and get stuck behind a tractor on the road".

It was essentially a mental illness clusterfuck. Coupled with a program of study I thought I'd like but didn't really, I ended up wasting two years and $20,000. The main reason I went to this school is because they have a good Japanese language program, however, they didn't have a Bachelor's of Japanese, instead the closest they had was Asian Studies, which includes a bunch of history, religion, and whatnot. I absolutely love the language courses...not so much the rest.

So if I can stick to this diet thing and get into at least a "less-round" shape, I'll consider taking out yet more student loans and trying this again. Their Computer Information Systems degree looks interesting, and not too much programming, and I could always minor in Japanese.

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